“I know, honey, but you months behind in your studies and I can tell you aren’t enjoying yourself. This is only until you find your way again.”
“I’m not lost.” Eric opened the door, staring at his bare feet. He wiggled his hairy toes. “I can do all the stuff Jamie does, don’t make me-“
“Eric you have no ground to stand on. You may be an adult, but you fail to take on any responsibility. You have not put one once of effort into a career you might like better,” Master Brown counted this item on her small, weathered hands, “ into your school “
“That’s not true! That’s so not true!”
“Eric,”
“I worked on that essay the other day!” Gesturing towards the abandon work station. The doodles had been thrown away already.
“Eric! Enough!”
“I’m just saying. I do, do stuff.”
“Fine. You attempt to live up to the requirements placed upon you, but you have not shown follow through fitting a responsible adult and therefore you cannot make your own decisions. You will work for kind Mr. Mallory until you can demonstrate better behavior. You haven’t said a kind word to Jamie”
“Stop, stop. I know.” Eric mumbled.
“or Dahlia, I’m just saying you could spend more time with people who care about you instead of going out every night”
“Stop, this isn’t your business” Eric flustered, angry that she would embarrass him in earshot of everyone.
“with girls you barely know. No, Eric you need to own up to your behavior.”
“Fine, fine I own up to my fucking behavior. Get off my case already.”
Master Brown frowned severely, clearly not satisfied with the encounter. “Just come home at a decent hour tonight. You have to get up early tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
Eric avoided Jamie’s eyes. He was sitting at the table with stacks of books. Thick dusty books. His black hair tied back like it had been the day he had met Jamie.
“I’ll just go eat in the cafeteria I think.” Eric vaguely told the air, and escaped into the hallway. Bare feet. Generally looked down upon, just like ruffled clothes, disheveled hair, and smell. Eric would go through the whole hygiene magic ritual song and dance later.
Except Jamie never left the suite.
Late summer, but the river was still warm enough for a swim. Some girls liked the out-doorsy musty smell.
What time was it? Eric hadn’t looked at a clock before leaving. The window was gray – gray like clouds. It was cloudy and Eric had no idea what time it was. Would they be serving food? Would it be close enough to a meal he could get food from the kitchens? He wasn’t even hungry.
Eric slumped against the wall, letting his body fold up and slide down. Eric could remember the day he met Jamie.
Wondering through the halls, skipping a workshop, Eric had heard crying. Eric would never had stopped for crying normally, but. But when your bonded cries you stop. Of course he didn’t know he even had a bonded.
He was a delinquent. Supposedly Jamie was too. He must have been at least, because they had been going to the same school. The school for delinquents. Eric had trouble imagining Jamie as anything but a dork. Was Jamie from the same school originally. Yeah, he was wearing the same red blazer and smart navy pants. He was part of the same delinquent school that had sent nearly a thousand poorly behaved school children to St. Phoenix College for workshops. Something about emotions. Something girly.
Girly like a school-aged delinquent crying in the boys bathroom. And he’d gone into the bathroom and coughed loudly. It was as if someone had sliced Jamie’s throat, he quieted that quickly.
Eric’s second try, “Fuck man what’s wrong with you?”
No response. Maybe someone had sliced the poor boy’s throat.
“God dammit, talk to me you stupid ass!”
“No.” The breathy word was barely choked out.
“Fuck” Eric kicked the garbage can. The garbage can made a nice clang against Eric’s scuffed dress shoe. Clang. Clang. Clang. Clang. And it fell over, but Eric didn’t stop kicking it.
The crying had started again and Eric noticed when he hit his foot the wrong way and stopped.
“Fuck. Listen I’m an asshole. But you have to talk to me cuz…. Cuz I’m not going to leave.”
Eric sat on the floor in front of Jamie’s stall. He could see the black hair stuck to Jamie’s blazer sleeve by static electricity. Damn wool coats.
2 comments:
Very nice, the characters are well on their way to greater definition.
Some commentary:
- I think Master Brown's turn from loving-but-concerned tone to strict and firm is a bit abrupt in the beginning. Either make the change less dramatic, or add in an exchange to smooth things out a little.
- As I mentioned before, the "in earshot of everyone" was the first place I knew that they were in a public place. Perhaps saying something like "people peeked out of their rooms" or even people standing in their doorway watching would help to show this a bit more.
- Is Jamie in room when Eric has his encounter with Master Brown? If so, how/when does he slip away? Where does Master Brown go? In fact, where are they again?
- So...is he bonded to Master Brown or to Jamie? It seems a little ambiguous when you jump between topics, if the former is in fact correct (based on whoever's crying). Based on the previous entry, I assumed he was bonded with Brown.
- After he escapes into the hallway, I might give some details as to where, how, and with how much thought he's traveling.
- Cursing only serves to reinforce Eric's lack of self-restraint and general emo-ness, especially when relatively unprovoked (some cursing in subsequent lines of dialog might be applicable). Also, the throat-slicing struck me as somewhat emo as well.
- This section ends on a thoughtful note. Sure, they both have a lot of flaws, but Eric is forcing them to remember they trust each other (or possibly is seeking to foster that trust for the first time).
I found Master Brown's nagging to be quite convincing!
I also am starting to like Eric. The dynamic between him and Jamie should be interesting!
Maximus's comments are also fun to read....he is tracking this well....
Keep writing!
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